I've always wondered....

I've been feeling quite adventurous lately. I went through a gallon of bleach in like 5 minutes, and I found out that bleach....is quite corrosive. I also found a sweet knife sharpener at work, and it works really well. Kershaw makes a really good blade too. keeps sharp for quite some time. At work I went through at least 100 boxes and cut up the old tires they had cause they got new ones.  :)

I've also come to a realization that karma does come back around. I've been helping an old friend out lately and good things are coming my way. And I feel much better lately too. Doin MMA in the gym with kenny and josh and ryan and stokes is awesome. Good stuff. 

And on a more personal note to people that might read this, It helps if you can keep it up long enough to do anything with it. maybe thats why you suck in the bedroom. at least from what ive heard. Enjoy.

Dont worry. It will happen soon enough. These wicked deeds shall not go without repercussion. Just have patience. I understand its not your dish, but it does happen to be on my menu. and I happen to be a world class chef. Cranky Much? 

I leave for Ft Benning GA in 10 days.

Nervous is a good way to describe me right now. I'm heading to the second phase of training which is Infantry School. Supposedly one of the best, most rewarding yet challenging courses i'll go through. 15-18 Mile ruck march, with 4 missions during. 5 mile Eagle motivational run. MOUT training for a week. :D   I think im gonna like this.

Oh and btw, NEW APARTMENT> WIN x2

Forever your eyes will hold the vision
I watched as your heart, as it swallowed me
We tried so hard to understand the reason and make sense
But in that one moment
In that moment I gave my heart away

What perfect breaths where my mind lay beside me
And all I knew was what had overtaken me
With no explanation I am quieted by the inability to understand
When I woke from this dream
Will your smile still open my heart and leave me transparent,
When I wake from this dream
Will your smile still open my heart?

Or will I still lay there fallen?

On a slighty lighter note, today was good. Got to hang with Tristan, picked him up from school on account that Coach Kline's insane lol, and weightlifting on an empty stomach isn't real good. So got a call requesting a drive home. Which was good since I hadn't seen him in a while. Hung out for a little while, enjoyed some Crackdown and Red Faction Guerilla. Then left, and went to the gym. Great workout tonight, and even better one tomorrow. AND, on top of all of that, My tax returns came back, and the kid I recruited into the Nat'l Guard's money hit my acct. So I'm $3000 up. Score one for the home team.

Im aware that its game over. hence why im not trying to get back with you. i gave that up a long time ago. whats ironic, is that all the things you hated about my habits, the drinking, the violence, seem to be a part of your life. You drink. apparently too much. and daniel, wanted to know more about the MMA club that I created. I had no problem being friends with you, but you just need someone to hate. and im okay with that being me. i know full well that im not aaron. i know the things i did and have done, and thy in no way resemble him. so hate me if you must, you say you dont feel anything but hurt, and you feel nothing around anyone but me. wonder if everyone else knows that....so go ahead and hate me. im used to it by now.

Just made a batch of some green tea, and its pretty tasty. im happy with it. and good lord im tired. soooo i think i shall go to bed. Deuces.

     I wish some things would go back to the way they were. Before the drama, and all the mistakes, and the lies, and the hatred. Like right after i graduated basic.  Things were good then. I had a decent job, though its not as good as the one I have now, it was ok. I worked with some cool people. I had a few friends locally, seeing as how most of mine are in college. But i could always depend on the ones around me. (actually, lookin back on what i've learned in the past 4 months, im co-dependant on a low level.) Im normally a self reliant person. have been since i was a kid. But if i ever needed anything i couldnt get myself, or needed help with or just dealing with a problem in general, i knew i had people i could trust. Nowadays, it seems I find myself looking around and finding that some of  the people/persons i trusted a great deal simply do those things with the exception of a favor in return.

        My father for instance, expects me to go do his bidding, and I mean nearly everything. Getting him dinner, buying his alcohol, washing his clothes, all beacause i live in "his" home. Granted i do live there, but you would think keeping the house clean and taking care of the normal everyday chores would be enough. Apparently not. I wont go into details about anyone else because its partially immaterial.

     Tristan. Kids a rock. Hadnt seen him in a month until saturday. Hes still kickin, and regardless of what people think of him, hes grown alot in the past 6 months. Im proud of him. No his grades havent been the best. No he doesnt deal with anger well.(who does?) But for a 16 year old kid with the amount of stuff goin on in his life, hes doin alright. Had a LONG talk with him saturday night. He said, among other things, that he wants to possibly join the USAF. I told him to go to college first. More like pleaded, but finally got him to agree after a few laughs. Said he wants to go to ASU. Outstanding choice bro. Outstanding choice.

Kelsea. Where to begin? Fall 08. sounds appropriate.  Things were okay between us. At least thats how i felt. I cant really tell you how she felt, partially because i cant read minds, and partially because i never really took the time to ask, and listen to the answer. My mistake. Ill admit that one. But see, when i seem to think things are okay, thats normally when everythings all screwed.  But because of some minor insecurities and some possible jealousy on my part, the 3 days Aaron was here, it flipped all around. I knew it would. So did she. She told me it would in a way. I knew what was going to happen. and it did. And now, she doesnt want to see me, or speak to me, or even mention me to anyone unless its to blame me for my faults. Yes i am cocky, and yes i am an asshole. But i dont think i try to play nice and the asshole card at the same time.....I think that i treat people right if they treat me right. I have been pretty sturdy through it all, and try to see her every once in a while, but that seems to piss her off even more and destroy the hope i thought i had of reconciling with her and being her friend once more. She told me i should forget her in every way shape and manner possible and that we could never be friends again. But heres the stumper...how do you forget someone that made a difference in your life. someone who, wether they believe in it or not, you loved. whom you still love. idc if you believe me kelsea. but i do love you. even assholes love people.

     But on the forefront, i have a job now, and things are lookin a bit higher. not much, but a bit. got some money in the bank, and a good car, and my future is kinda cloudy, but im lookin at what i hope to be the weather report, and theres some clearer days ahead. with the occasional thunderstorm lol. Hey its springtime. what more could you want?

What a week. Glad it's the weekend, so i can relax and chill. Week 2 of p90x has commenced. and im stoked to see the full 13 week outcome.